Days -2 to 0: H.A.F.E Farts and Other Escapades

May 13-15

I normally don't do pre-trip blogs but since there's been so much travel to actually start the hike I figured I might as well.

Our vacation began in earnest 3:50 AM Atlantic Daylight Time. We had an early flight which required us to wake up at the butt crack of dawn. Tired and groggy we dragged ourselves to the airport to catch our first from to Toronto and from there Phoenix.

While our flights were mercifully dramaless, our rental car situation made sure to add a nice headache to our travel day. First off it took forever to get our car. I don't know what Avis' processes are but they're maddening inneficient. It took each customer about half an hour to go through all the counter rigamarole. We had booked a small compact car—we drive a Nissan Sentra at home. But as rental car companies do they overbooked and were out. So they decided to "upgrade" us to a Toyota Tacoma pickup. Oh wait, "actually we'll give you something really nice, how bout a Dodge Ram," the customer service rep said. Greeeeat. In all it took us two hours to get our car (tank).

As someone used to driving a small car, my spatial awareness in a large truck feels like I'm driving an aircraft carrier. I was just bracing to mow down a pedestrian or slam into the side of a Smart car while changing lanes. Especially driving on the downtown highways of a city as large as Phoenix, it was a stressful drive.

But there was a much anticipated award waiting for us as we left town: In 'N Out. For those who don't know, In 'N Out is a west coast burger chain. Similar in vain and regional favourites such as Steak 'N Shake, Shake Shack, Culver's, Five Guys, etc. I've only had it once before in Long Beach, CA right before the start of my PCT thru-hike. It was delightful. Cranky and hungry after our two hour Avis ordeal, it was unbelievably satisfying. We had a double-double cheeseburger, fries—animal style, and a neoplitan shake. Unreal.

After our long-awaited culinary experience we started our two hour drive out of the city to Flagstaff. Since I was driving I don't have any photos from this leg, but the continuously changing landscape was so friggin cool. Phoenix is at relatively low elevation and is truly desert. Saguaro cactus dotted the sandy landscape with stubby, heavily weathered hills scattered about the desolate scenery. Growing up in the Midwest and living in the Canadian Maritimes, the desert feels like an almost fictional environment. It's only something that I see in movies and photos and hear lyrical references to in music.

The low desert didn't last long though. We steadily made our way up (both in direction and in elevation) to Flagstaff which sits at about 7000 feet. Saguaro were replaced by scrubby hillsides dotted in the shadows of the hovering clouds which were in turn replaced by Ponderosa pines. Flagstaff sits in the shadow of the highest peak in Arizona, Humphrey's Peak which is 12,637 feet high. It's a proper mountain town reminiscent of much of the PCT towns we hiked through.

The town itself is right along Route 66. It's a weird clash of opposing cultures here; lots of trucks and jeeps along with old garages lining the streets. But also straight up mountain hippies with their dreads and weed. Outdoor retailers are on every corner here which is heaven for us.

After settling in at our hotel (and watching the replay of the IndyCar race that happened earlier in the day), we set out to explore the town. We popped in and out of the many gear shops buying a few miscellaneous last minute items for our hike. After our big lunch at In 'N Out we weren't super hungry but we grabbed a beer at Mother Road Brewery and sat on the patio while watching the many puppers being darn tootin cute. Afterwords we wound up a small Asian fusion joint and had the most amazing bowl of ramen. Guess we were hungrier than expected.

So we discovered a funny thing about altitude. You know how when you get a bag of chips at lower elevation and then drive up to higher elevation and it's as big and inflated as the Michelin Man? Well apparently that happens to your butt cavity too. We kept noticing throughout the evening how gassy both of us were. Aside from the burgers earlier in the day we didn't have much to eat so I couldn't think of what was causing our noxious explosions. Then it occurred to us that maybe it had something to do with the altitude. Sure enough, it was. H.A.F.E. High Altitude Flatus Expulsion. From Wikipedia: "[HAFE] is a gastrointestinal syndrome which involves the spontaneous passage of increased quantities of rectal gases at high altitudes." Lmao. "Rectal gases". So yeah, we've been farting up a storm. We quickly learned not to open up the sheets while it bed. Best to keep those fumes sealed and contained.

By the time we got back to the hotel and went to sleep, we had been up for 21 hours straight (with a mediocre nap or two on the plane). It was only 8:30 local time when we went to sleep. Beat.

The next morning we got up early by local time standards. Arizona is four hours ahead of Atlantic time. We hit up MartAnne's for breakfast which can highly recommend by many people. It did not disappoint. MartAnne's is a Mexican restaurant that specializes in breakfast. It opens at 7:00 AM and was almost full by the time we arrived a little before 7:30. Glowworm had the rancheros and I had the chilaquiles. Holy shit was it good. Like seriously one of the best breakfasts I've ever had. They served with freshly squeezed orange juice and I had a spicy chai latte too that was made locally. So friggin good.

After breakfast we went to the grocery to do our first food supply for the Grand Canyon portion of our trip. I've been out of the hiking game for so long that it's become hard to judge food amounts. I don't want to overpack food. That won't feel too good heavy on my back hiking out of the canyon. But obviously I don't want to underpack either and not have enough. Meals are easy but it's the snacks that are tough to get right. Especially for a shorter stretch like this.

We took our resupply to the Flagstaff airport where we were to catch a bus to the Grand Canyon. Straight up hikertrashed the shit out of the waiting area. Spread all our food out while repackaging in ziplocs. It's both an art and a science. It felt very mechanical; we've done this so many times that it's just muscle memory. Opening the box of individually wrapped fruit snacks, tearing open each package and dumping them in a plastic baggy; same for all the items. It's weird, but chores like this make me feel so much at home. Everything just feels so right.

Finally, after a day and a half of travel, we arrive at the Grand Canyon. We first took the shuttle bus over to our campsite to set up for the night. Of course after leaving the wet and soggy East Coast of Canada, it starts to rain—pretty heavily at that. There really wasn't any other option than to just set up camp and get things sorted. Of course as soon as we were done and started walking to get supper, it stopped. Because of course it did.

After burgers and beer for dinner we eagerly walked over to the rim: the moment we've been anticipating for so long. I've been to the Grand Canyon a couple times before. Once when I was in middle school with my family, and once 10 years ago when my Dad and hiked to the bottom together. In many ways, it was that trip that sparked my PCT hike and more now lifelong love of backpacking. I recall from both of my visits how even when on the rim, the Grand Canyon still looks a bit like a picture. Part of its the haziness of the atmosphere, especially when it's hot, but part of it is also just how huge it is. It's just so hard to wrap your head around. Despite my past experience, I was flabbergasted at how enormous the sight way. My jaw literally gaped open when we cleared the forest and stepped up the the rocky edge. I was just at a loss for words despite Glowworm trying to make conversation and urging me to continue walking so we could catch the sunset. It's crazy, after all the times I've been here, it's still dumbfounding. Seriously though, if you haven't been to the Grand Canyon and have the time and means, you absolutely must go. Even if it's a day trip from someone else nearby, it's completely worth it.

We spent the evening walkoalong the paved Rim Trail taking in the sunset while I called my Mom on Mother's Day. I'll just let this collection of photos speak for itself.

Alright, almost done with this post. Just one more day's worth of lead up to go and then you can go bugger off. This morning (since I'm writing this on Monday, May 15, the day before we actually begin our hike) we grabbed breakfast at the nearby lodge and in true hikertrash fashion, descended upon a wall of outlets to charge our phones and top off our external batteries. I began writing this post and we took some time just to chill before we had to move campsites (since we weren't able to book the same site two nights in a row).

We then spent the afternoon walking along the Rim Trail and doing all the front country shenanigans around the Grand Canyon Village area and taking in all the views from the top before we hike down to the Colorado River tomorrow. I wouldn't be surprised if we hiked a good 10 miles today, but that's just a guess.

I'm so stoked for tomorrow. Glowworm has visited the canyon before albeit on a brief day trip from Las Vegas. So while I've hiked the Grand Canyon before, this will be her first and I'm so excited to share that experience with her. That being said, we're definitely a little nervous. It's a 4200 foot change in elevation from rim to river; it's no small feat. I definitely can feel the elevation in my lungs and it's been a while since we've gone a proper backpacking trip. Bikepacking just isn't the same in terms of carrying gear and food, and just the wear and tear on your body. So while we respect the challenge, we're still immensely excited. In many ways, it's coming home for us. And we can't wait to go home tomorrow.

P.S. As a fair warning service has been hard to come by so posting these will likely be very delayed; possibly until we get home.