New Flag, Who Dis?
July 11, 2023
I don’t normally do life update stuff on this blog. I like to write about our long hiking/cycling trips on here both for my own memories as well as letting my friends and family follow along on our adventures. I’ve only broken character a couple times, both after the PCT to give updates on where I’m at in the world. But alas, this seems like a good time to bring everyone up to speed on a major life event for me.
Chill the fuck out, we’re not pregnant. But last week I did become a citizen of Canada. Most of y’all know the story by now. I grew up in Indianapolis and in 2017 set out to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. I figured it would be a life changing trip, but I severely underestimated the magnitude by which it would completely alter the course of my life. Less than 24 hours before setting foot on the trail I had already met the person who would become my wife. And honestly that only scratched the surface of the implications the PCT had on me.
With Glowworm being from Ontario, Canada I knew early on in our relationship that one of us would have to move to the other’s country if we wanted to remain together post-trail. I didn’t want it to become a point of contention so I made the decision to follow her to Canada before it ever became a problem. It was early in Trump’s presidency at that time too and his rhetoric wasn’t exactly warm and fuzzy towards immigrants. The last thing I wanted was for Glowworm to get halfway through the immigration process only for it to be completely upended with our lives in flux. So in many ways, it was an easy decision to uproot my life in the Hoosier State and start over in Canada, but it was also a really tough decision to make.
Growing up on the southside of Indy I never considered living anywhere else. Almost all of my extended family still live in central Indiana. I was fortunate enough to know both sets of my grandparents along with one set of great grandparents and another great grandparent, all of which lived within 20 minutes of our house. Only a couple sets of aunts and uncles and their children lived out of state, and even then, for most of my life they all lived in neighbouring states, visiting frequently.
I also just had an enjoyable and positive childhood. I didn’t grow up with ill feelings towards my hometown the way some kids do. It’s a trope that growing up in a mid-sized, suburban city in the Midwest will eventually lead to you going to the big city (LA, New York, Chicago, etc.) to chase your dreams, abandoning the miserable life you once had. And I had friends through school who definitely embodied that. But I just never had those sentiments. If anything, I felt strongly that I would rather stay in place, working to make my home better rather than find greener pastures.
I loved riding my bike through endless Indiana cornfields in the summer. I loved going to Pacers games with my Dad. I loved that the Indy 500 was treated as the big deal I’ve always felt it was. I loved warm and humid summer nights watching the lighting bugs glow and listening to the cicadas while shooting hoops in the backyard until it was too dark to see. I just loved Indiana. And honestly I still do. There’s things I dislike about it, sure. But overall, I still get misty eyed thinking about home.
Until right before I started the PCT in April 2017, I just assumed that I would live my whole life in Indiana. Not because I was stuck or that I lacked aspiration, but I just genuinely loved it. My family was there, housing was affordable, my interests were strongly linked to the region, and I just couldn’t think of a good reason to leave all that.
Around the time I was finishing college (university for you Canucks), I found myself realizing that my spiritual beliefs had changed. I don’t really want to get into all the details now, perhaps that story can be told along the trail of a future adventure, but I was faced with knowing that the entire social community I had built over the last 20 plus years had been completely rooted in common spiritual beliefs. But then those common grounds shifted and those shared outlooks and beliefs no longer bonded us. It’s not like those friendships lacked any other bond, but a core tenant of them had evaporated. I was 23 and hoping to find a partner and I knew as well as anybody that shared spiritual beliefs were high on the list of having a successful relationship. Trust me, that had been ingrained in me through years of going to church. But I didn’t even know where to start. My entire circle of friends now involved people that believed the exact opposite of what I did and I didn’t know how to hit the reset button.
So even as I approached the PCT, I had already given thought to maybe moving out west after the trail in an effort to give myself a fresh start. Not because I necessarily wanted to leave, but because I wanted to start over without the social baggage I had back home. Of course, leaving the entire country wasn’t something I had ever considered.
You never really grow up dreaming of moving to another country. Well, at least I didn’t. I think especially in the US, America is the country people immigrate to, not from. I had fantasized about the idea from time to time, but never really considered it. I just never had a good reason to. Plus, you don’t just pack up and move to another country because you want to. It doesn’t work like that.
Those early days of trying to figure out how to move to Canada permanently were eye opening. I figured it would be complicated, but not nearly as complicated as I discovered it to be. At first my approach was to find a job in Canada that would be willing to sponsor me as a temporary resident on a work visa. But that was quickly a dead end. You pretty much needed to find a job no other Canadian applicant could do which wasn’t going to happen as I found out.
It was around that time that I gave some serious thought about going back to school, which eventually led me to urban planning. It was there that I found a pathway to a life in Canada with Glowworm. I entered Canada on a study permit to do my Masters of Planning at Dalhousie University in Halifax where we now live. That gave me the opportunity to more easily apply for permanent residency with Glowworm (who had recently become my spouse) as my sponsor. That whole process took about a year to complete. Being a permanent resident was really all I needed to forever live with my partner. Barring a years-long absence from the country or being convicted of a serious felony, there wasn’t anything preventing me from staying in Canada. But I still lacked a sense of belonging.
Most Americans living in Canada are referred to as expats, a term I despise. While I’m technically an expatriate since I have moved to a country other than my own, the term is strongly associated with wealthy professionals coming from a place of privilege. More often than not, if you’re an American, you’re an expat. If you’re from anywhere else you’re an immigrant. And I hated that. I felt completely undermined as an immigrant. It’s like the thousands of dollars I had spent, countless hours pouring over government websites, and late nights laying out application forms on the living room floor were completely unseen.
When people talk about immigrants, they don’t talk about me. I’m a white, straight, middle class, English-speaking American male. I’m not disadvantaged in any way. Most people don’t even know I’m an immigrant until I tell them. I blend in seamlessly here. Hell, a francophone from New Brunswick is more exotic than me. All this to say, I’ve always felt like I’m not Canadian enough to be a Canadian, nor am I an immigrant enough to be an immigrant. It’s an isolating feeling. Despite the terms being used, I know I’m not the person people are talking about. And while the plights of many immigrants and refugees should be seen and their stories told, I want to be seen too.
National identity is a weird thing. For the vast majority of us it's just something we're born with. We don't know any difference. It's not like we're given a form upon conception to request a country to be born in. That's not a luxury any of us have. So it's always a bit strange seeing *cough* (Americans) *cough* (or fill in whatever country) beat their chest about their national identity when that decision is entirely beyond their sphere of influence.
As an American you definitely grow up with a sense that you unquestionably live in the greatest country on Earth and the rest of the world looks at you with either admiration or jealousy. And to some extent I'm sure there's truth to that. But like with anything it comes with a potent dose of nuance. I could talk all day about the ways in which the United States is deeply flawed, but that's not really the point.
There's a sentiment in the US that citizenship is an endorsement of a country's greatness. And I think that sentiment is shared by the natural born citizens of many nations, but probably to a lesser extent. After all, the United States is indeed a nation built upon immigrants. From the Puritans seeking religious freedom to the Crown seeking economic power, the entire history of the US (and Canada) is littered with waves of immigrants starting new lives in a new land (while displacing the indigenous population, but that's for another time). But immigration isn't necessarily a vote on the ballot for the World's Greatest Country. Immigrants move to seek work, flee oppression or violence, find a change of scenery, or (in my case) chase a love interest.
I've had several folks from back home in the States make comments along the lines of "I hope you're a dual citizen", implying that they hope I remain an American. Regardless if they mean it or not, it definitely comes off as them saying that they would be disappointed in me for vacating my US citizenship, as if I'd be turning my back on my country of origin and making some big statement. To be fair, I think part of it is wanting that shared identity. But at the end of the day we're still all people. Life isn't about picking teams. Just because I'm a Colts fan and someone else is a Patriots doesn't mean we can't be friends (okay actually it does). In all seriousness though, it sometimes feels like if you decide to leave your home country for whatever reason you've become a traitor and if you end up renouncing your citizenship it's an unforgivable sin.
I'm fortunate that I didn't have to give up my US citizenship to become a Canadian. It wasn't really about wanting or not wanting to remain an American citizen, but rather the practicality of it. What I wanted was to be able to live and work in the same country as my partner with no strings attached. Permanent Residency afforded me that while retaining my rights as a US citizen (i.e. the ability to live and work and travel to the US with no strings attached). But what I lack as just a PR of Canada was the ability to vote in the country I resided and above all belonging. To be honest, if I had to renounce my US citizenship to become a Canadian citizen, I probably wouldn't have done it. If I had to go back home to Indiana for an extended period of time to take care of family or any other reason, it would have become needlessly complicated without US citizenship. The ability to vote and an official flag next to my name wasn't worth that price. But thankfully it didn't come to that and I can officially be both an American and a Canadian.
The only reason I'd ever give up my US citizenship would be for tax purposes. The US is one of only a few countries in the world that tax based on citizenship, not residency. For example if Glowworm moved to the US, she wouldn't file her taxes in Canada, she'd file in the US where she'd reside. Whereas I have to file in Canada (because I live there) while also having to file in the US simply because I'm a citizen. Fortunately the US and Canada have a treaty where I only pay US taxes on top of my Canadian taxes on any dollar I make over $100,000. So for now, I don't have to pay double tax on any dollar I make; a good problem to have. But if for whatever reason I start making bank, my ability to gain wealth will be limited. My manager has promised me to help me stay under $100,000. Thanks, boss. I think he's kidding.
Giving up your US citizenship is not easy. Apparently the US Government doesn't like losing income even if those citizens don't benefit from much of what their taxes pay for, but I digress. From what I understand it's a messy process and extremely expensive. A mother of a friend went through renouncing her US citizenship a couple years ago since she's a business owner and the taxes were becoming crippling as the business grew. She ended up spending $15,000 between lawyer fees, application fees, and travel related to the process. Oof. So I'm not looking to get rid of my US any time soon.
An ironic twist to this whole deal is that if you are born to an American citizen, you are an American citizen. There is no choice. There's actually an official term in Canada called "Accidental Americans" who are children of American citizens who didn't know they technically were also US citizens until the IRS came knocking on their door years later demanding loads of money in back taxes they didn't know they owed. Here's the plot twist: Americans living abroad vote in federal elections in the electoral district they last resided in. If you never resided in the US, for example the child of a US citizen, you vote in the electoral district your parents last resided in. Which is fine in most states. But some states such as Indiana require that to be eligible to vote, you must have previously resided in the state for a minimum of six months. So if we have children, they will have no choice but to be US citizens, will be required to file taxes, and won't be eligible to vote unless they live in the US for half a year, which sounds to me a lot like taxation without representation. It's been a while since my third grade social studies class, but I'm pretty sure we fought a war over that.
All this to say, for me immigrating to Canada isn't about endorsing one country over another, it's not some grand political statement, it's not necessarily seeking a better life. I came to Canada chasing love and have chosen to stay here for practical reasons. While I made the executive decision to follow Glowworm to Canada so it couldn't become a point of contention between us, I have since been trained professionally in my field in Canada. Which only makes sense to remain here as I best understand urban planning through the Canadian context (ironically American planning seems foreign to me). Above all, though, we've worked really hard at building a life together specifically in Halifax. I was fortunate enough to have 30 new friends when we first moved here through grad school, but it took Glowworm much longer to develop meaningful, stable friendships; friendships of her own and friendships as a couple. It also took her time to grow roots professionally. Five years of working hard to create a happy life in Halifax with a healthy social and professional network took time and neither of us have the appetite to start over yet again. So for us, Canada is our home, Nova Scotia is our home, Halifax is our home. But we'll always have homes in Indianapolis, Indiana and in Barrie, Ontario. To us, we're citizens of the world first, our communities second, and our nationalities and incidental to that.
The actual citizenship process was surprisingly straightforward. I think during COVID they simplified some things as processing times took a hit. Thankfully my permanent residency and citizenship processes were before and after COVID so I never had to suffer through the byproducts of that time. The application was online and just required a passport photo. I applied in November 2022 and heard back at the beginning of 2023 with a time frame to take my citizenship test. I studied for about a month; they give you a study guide which is really just a 30 page primer on Canadian history, culture, and government. Honestly I rather enjoyed studying for it. So much of Canadian and US history parallel each other but with slight differences of perspective as Canada had a rather…amicable split from the British Empire and the US, well, didn't. The War of 1812 section of the study guide was particularly amusing. All the facts were the same as in US history books but with certain moments emphasized and others conveniently left out. And US history reciprocates this. For the record we (the US) shot the guy who burned down the White House. He's buried in Halifax. Each shit, Robert Ross. Oh and Canada loves to act like they invented basketball. Bullshit. A Canadian invented basketball in Massachusetts (in 1891). But Indiana made the game what it is today. Don't @ me. Anyway, I passed my test in February, had to have fingerprints and a background check in March, and was invited to my ceremony in June. In all it took me almost exactly five years to go from temporary resident to citizen which is about as fast as you can go.
It's worth noting that I've been fortunate to have a lot of things going for me when it comes to immigration. I'm a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, white, straight, middle class, English-speaking, American male. I'm the epitome of privilege. I do not underestimate the power that has had in helping me through this process. Not only that but I'm fortunate to have my own and my partner's parents who are loving and have the means to support us if anything goes sideways.
When I was doing my work term in grad school there was a woman from West Africa who came in a couple times a week to do some administrative work as part of her own work placement through community college. She came to Canada from Italy, but came to Italy from her home country in Africa. She spoke broken English but we bonded over our shared experience through immigration. It was that summer that I was accepted as a permanent resident. She was shocked at how quickly it took me to get it after applying. Of course I didn't know her exact circumstances; I knew she had a few children. But I think that was the moment it really hit me how many barriers simply did not exist to me that do exist for so many others. I had it easy, although it still wasn't easy. That moment really impacted me and I have continued to think about her as I’ve gone through the process.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. My citizenship ceremony ended up being virtual via Zoom, which was a little disappointing. I think they can just do more of them virtually instead of all being in person. I get why, but it was a bit of a let down after a years-long journey to get here. It did make for a rather amusing ceremony though. They made us all say the oath to swear allegiance to King Chuck 3 and whatnot in both English and French. I just thought they’d let us say it in whatever official language we could speak, but nope. They didn’t even put the words on the screen so I fumbled my way through it, making it up as I went. “Croissant bonjour mes ami le garçon avec crème de fromage et désolé qu'elle nous vous le pee pee.” Nailed it. Imagine that with 750 other people on Zoom all with their mics on. It was a total shit show and I loved every second of it.
Singing the national anthem was just as chaotic. It’s funny, I know the first and last verses of O Canada because they only sing those verses in English when we go to Halifax Mooseheads hockey games. So I genuinely have no idea what the words of the second verse are because it just sounds like a cacophony of nasally verbiage. But for the citizenship ceremony they did the verses French-French-English instead of English-French-English. So right from the start I was all, “O Canada, nous vous alors ce ça bon la croquette.” But after muttering random French words I summoned from my three years of high school French to the tune of the song, I finished strong with “God keep our land…”
At the end they gave us the opportunity to take a “selfie” with the judge and immigration clerk which meant they smiled awkwardly at the camera for a full 60 seconds while all 750 participants took a photo of themselves holding their laptops. Again, utter chaos and absolutely hilarious and cheesy.
Afterwards Glowworm and I headed down to the Halifax waterfront to a beer garden where we camped out all night for drinks with friends and coworkers. It’s crazy in the five years we’ve lived here how many connections we’ve made and the community we’ve built. Heck, I invited some friends from grad school to go out for drinks with us when I became a Permanent Resident. Not a single person came out. Now years later we occupied two large tables for several hours with friends from a variety of circles. And even though it sucks not being able to celebrate with either of our families, it makes me all teary eyed thinking about the people we’ve grown close to in the few years we’ve been here. Halifax is home.
The next morning I showed up to work (quite hungover) to find my desk covered in egregious Canadian paraphernalia. While I was out the previous afternoon doing my ceremony at home, the staff and management at work went balls to the wall decorating my cubicle with crepe paper, flags, windmills, balloons, and an assortment of Canadian-themed gifts including a Tragically Hip shirt, Tim Hortons ornament, and of course maple syrup.
It’s a little crazy to look back on the last six years going from meeting this girl from Ontario on the precipice of a six month backpacking trip to where I am now, living and working in Halifax as a citizen of Canada. It just was never in my life plans. I knew the Pacific Crest Trail would change my life, but I never could have imagined it would change it in the huge, profound ways it has. I’m still counting the ways.
Slàinte Mhath,
Gummies
