Day 61: My Journey
June 10, 2017
Visalia, CA
It’s weird being in the hospital. There’s all of these other people and then there’s me. I’m the anomaly. I don’t fit in. Even as I’m lying in my bed I feel like I don’t belong. It’s strange reflecting on the last few days. Everyone on the outside sees this traumatic event. “Michael gets air lifted from remote wilderness in life threatening situation.” But to me it doesn’t seem that way. There was a series of events that occurred over a period of time that led to this headline. People don’t know my thoughts and feelings in those moments. In my mind’s eye it was so much more methodical and slow going than one day hiking to what seems to be nearly dying. Death never really crossed my mind. It’s never been about feeling lucky to be alive or these shocking, dramatic moments that people at home see.
This experience was much more filled with emotions of having what I’ve desired for so long being potentially ripped away from me one foot step at a time. It was filled with emotions of seeing the people you love dearly stand and wave at you as you fly off not sure if you’ll ever see them again. And it was filled with emotions of reflecting and scrutinizing every minute moment that led up to this event.
It’s never been about the aftermath; what everyone else sees on their Facebook feed. People see results and judge results. They don’t see the process, the journey. They make judgements and assertions about what I should or should not do and that’s fair, but the more the world sees these end results the less like a person I feel. It seems like I’m a circus sideshow for other people’s enjoyment.
This journey is for me and only me and this is simply a piece of the beautiful mosaic that is being created. And maybe in my current stream of consciousness I’m wrong. I’ll admit that. But I just don’t feel like I owe anyone anything, other than continuing on this journey that I have set for myself. This isn’t the end. There’s much left to come. Many twists and turns and valleys and peaks are yet be to traveled. And I plan on traveling them with the people I began this journey with. That being said, Dr. McDirty, Cougar, Glowworm, I miss you dearly and I’m looking forward to being reunited with you, my friends.
