Day 32: Trying Not To Squat In Poodle Dog Bush And Defiling A KOA

May 12, 2017
Mile 427.00 Campsite to Mile 444.50 Acton KOA

After the longest single day hike of my life yesterday I figured I’d sleep in today. And by sleep in I mean pull my sleeping bag over my head after the sun rose and lay in denial until 6:30 when I could no longer get away with sleeping in. We only had 17 miles to the KOA that most hikers like myself were planning on staying so the day went by pretty quick. 

Unfortunately the bulk of the day was through a recent burn area and we had more poodle dog bush than we’ve seen on the trail. Poodle dog bush is a plant that looks and smells like pot, but will give you a rash for worse than poison oak or poison ivy. I’ve never gotten a rash from either of the latter, but I really don’t want to find out how bad this stuff is. Legend says that a few hikers died after trying to smoke it thinking that it was weed. Not sure on the validity of the story, but I can see it happening. Regardless, it certainly makes finding a place to squat a bit more challenging if you catch my drift. And if you are catching my drift then I sincerely apologize because it’s probably rancid. 

Not very poodley or doggy, but it is quite bushy.

Upon arrival to the KOA the plan was simple: Down a 24 oz. Gatorade, set up my tent, shower while washing my socks (not recommended in public facilities), defile the swimming pool while making children wonder why there’s a homeless man in the shallow end, and eat ice cream. I executed this plan flawlessly. Unfortunately, I still have not received my trophy, but hopefully that will be coming in the mail shortly. For the record, KOA’s are filled with the saddest, most obnoxious American-dream pursuing humans living in the most lavish nylon palace they could buy at Bass Pro Shops. I am proud to secrete my filthy, homeless hiker trash self on their turf. 

Fuzzy hotdogs or legs?